Ever since I was little I felt I had this big void in my life. How ever hard I tried, it seemed to me that I just couldnt see a light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing seemed to make sense (Can you see where this is going?)
The terribely sad thing about it was that I knew that I wasnt the only one to feel like that. Somewhere in this world was someone just as empty and forloren as me.
(Can you see
the sorrow of the chair in the middle?)
And this sunday, the 10th of february, we found each other. Yes, I was made senior Bandsperson. 
I must admit, I do feel much more mature and a much better player. I also must admit that, out of the 4 songs we played that sunday, in 2 I didnt play a single note, 1 I kind of managed with Darrens help and 1 I played really confidentely and loud because it was quite easy, just to find that everybody finished playing and I still had about 3 bars to go. But what I found worse than all this humiliation was that, sitting on the platfrom with the adults you have to behave slightly better than sitting with the Kids. I do miss James! Fortunately the YP Band leader hasnt kicked me out yet, so I can still be a little bit of a child.
On the same day I got my first Valentinescard for this year. I was ever so excited because it had been left unsigned in the kitchen. The fact that the handwriting was a bit chlidlike and that the first name written had been erased and my name kind of filled in over that didnt matter. I was sure someone loved me a lot (I kind of had someone in mind, and although the feelings are not mutual, I now know that Ill get a card from that person too. EXCITING!). That was until a scoutsleader from our corps saw the card I was holding and said: Oh, you got a card from one of the scouts? We made them friday evening. That broke my heart. I could almost hear the conversation that must have taken place in scouts the previous friday:
Scoutsleader: Tonight we are going to make valentine cards
Scout: Yay (Slightly sarcasticaly, because they're kids, obviously)
SL: You are all going to make cards for your parents
Scout: I dont love my parents
SL: Then make one for your friends
Scout: I have no friends
SL: Make one for your dog
Scout: I have no dog
SL: Then....make one for poor old Anna
Scout: yuk!
SL: OI! Thats not a very nice behavior. Ill look you in the cupboard if you dont do it. NOW!
I do feel very much loved though, so little scout, if you are reading this, its much appreciated :-D
I did get another card as well, the coolest card ever. It was handmade, so I kind of suspect someone used to be a very good scout years ago!
All this excitment on sunday gave me loads of enegry for a packed monday. I got up at five to go to my weekly hospital appointment. I have a very special relationship with mondays, because I obviously dont particularely like to get up at 5, but I can spend about 2.5 hours waiting in a que with friends. My friends are all aged between my fathers age and my grandfathers age (Some probably are even as old as my greatgrandfather) But they are good fun!
They take good care of me too.
They take good care of me too.
A little glimpse into our conversations:
(A: Anna, P:Peter (the wise one), B:Bob (Laid back one)
(A: Anna, P:Peter (the wise one), B:Bob (Laid back one)
P: So, why doesnt your boyfriend pick you up at home on mondays, you shouldnt need to take the bus, its too dark for a girl this time in the morning
A: I have no boyfriend and I wouldnt expect anyone to get up at 5 just to give me a lift?!
P: Let me tell you something: If you get yorself a man, dont take one that doesnt have anything! There are plenty of those out there! Thats what I told my daughter and she married a banker!
B: Yes, and dont get yourself an a*hole either...there are even more of those out there. Thats what I told my wife years ago but she didnt listen and married me anyway.
In the evening I went to the cinema with Tracy. We went to see Juno and we were officialy the oldest people in the theater. The movie had some real verbal pearls. For example when she gets a pregnancy test in the local store. She takes the test in the toilet of the store and comes back shacking the little plasticstick (For those who dont know, you have to wee on that little stick, so spreading all your urine in a shop isnt exactly a good idea.) The shopassistant asks her about the result and when she shows him the stick he sais: Your ego is prego. (???)
This movie is certainly not gona help with reducing teenage pregnancy. All her parents say when she tells them shes pregnant is: You need some pregnancy vitamins. They happen to be good for your fingernails.
When she tries to go to the abortionclinic she finds a single protestor there who says things like: Babies dont like killing! and: all babies want to be borned!
The message was basically: If you get pregnant, find some people who really want to adopt a baby (And advertises that in a penny paper, next to the adverts for exotic birds). If you get pregnant your father will become more understanding and your stepmother really protective (but you will still have to put up with a sister called Liberty Bell). And your best friend (who happens to be the father of the Baby that only happened becaues you were bored) becomes your boyfriend and you end up sitting on the steps of his house playing guitars and singing a lovesong.
But it was quite funny and a bit happy and a bit sad, just what we needed. After being emotionally drained we went to get something to eat in the car (sorry, Andy, the car smells now. Hope you dont mind, we enjoyed it loads). We lockerd the car but the alarm kept coming on. that was a bit embarassing, because it was like 11 pm on a monday. People on that road must have loved us!
I love my diet. I wonder why I dont loose weight, dont you?
After testing my camera for a little while I got really bored and decided to go shooping (I needed something to blog about next time). Thats why I asked Stacey if she would come out with me. Our aim was initially to find a pair of trainers for me. We didnt succeed. We went to matalan first, where Stacey decided that she needed me to be her dolly to dress up. I couldnt quite understand that, as I thought that was the reason why she has 3 younger siblings. At least with Ryan she does a good job. Fortunately her dressing up actions were limited to scarfs, to 1 scarf to be precise. After Matalan we went to Primark (where else), and we found out that Stacey is much better at shopping than me. Her constant:Anna, take something to try on! Thats what we are here for! was slightly muffled by the mountains of clothes she was carrying for herself. To give some emotional support I decided to try a blouse, which I have to admit I rather liked. I think I looked french, although Nina said I look like a cook. Outch!
